A few years ago, I started hearing the phrase “Black Girl Joy” everywhere.
At first, I thought it was simply another social media trend.
Women posting vacation photos.
Brunch outings.
Girls trips.
Beautiful smiles.
Designer bags.
Perfectly curated moments.
And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things, the older I get, the more I realize Black Girl Joy runs much deeper than what can be captured in a photograph.
In fact, I would argue that Black Girl Joy has very little to do with material things at all.
For many Black women, joy is an act of resistance.
It is choosing to live fully in a world that has often expected us to simply survive.
We Were Taught How to Survive
Black women are experts at survival.
We know how to work hard.
We know how to persevere.
We know how to overcome obstacles.
We know how to carry responsibilities.
We know how to make something out of nothing.
Many of us watched our mothers and grandmothers do exactly that.
They sacrificed.
They pushed through.
They handled business.
And because of their strength, many of us are here today.
But somewhere along the way, many of us inherited survival mode without learning how to access joy.
We learned how to endure.
But not always how to enjoy.
We learned how to achieve.
But not always how to rest.
We learned how to take care of everyone else.
But not always how to nurture ourselves.
Joy Is Not the Absence of Problems
One misconception I often hear is that joy comes after life gets easier.
After the promotion.
After the relationship.
After the kids get older.
After the debt is paid off.
After the stress goes away.
The problem is there is always another “after.”
Joy is not something waiting for us on the other side of perfection.
Joy is available right now.
Even in difficult seasons.
Even when life feels uncertain.
Even when we are still healing.
The women I know who seem to have the most joy are not necessarily the women with the easiest lives.
They are the women who have learned how to notice beauty while life is still unfolding.
What Black Girl Joy Actually Looks Like
Sometimes social media has convinced us that joy must be grand or expensive.
I disagree.
Some of the most joyful moments in my life have cost absolutely nothing.
A long conversation with a friend.
A walk on a beautiful day.
Music playing while I clean my house.
A good book.
Laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
Watching my garden grow.
Enjoying a cup of tea in complete silence.
Wearing my natural hair exactly as it grows from my head.
Canceling plans I didn’t want to attend in the first place.
Joy often lives in ordinary moments.
The problem is that we’re usually too busy rushing to notice them.
Why Joy Can Feel Difficult
Let’s be honest.
For some Black women, joy feels uncomfortable.
Not because we don’t want it.
Because we don’t trust it.
We’ve spent so much time preparing for the next challenge that relaxing can feel unfamiliar.
Many of us have become accustomed to carrying stress.
Worrying.
Planning.
Anticipating problems.
Taking care of everyone else.
When your nervous system has spent years in survival mode, peace can initially feel strange.
Sometimes joy requires us to unlearn the belief that struggle is our natural state.
How to Access More Joy
The good news is that joy is not something you have to find.
It’s something you create space for.
Stop Waiting for Permission
One thing I’ve noticed is that many women delay joy.
We postpone it.
We tell ourselves we’ll travel later.
Rest later.
Take the class later.
Start the hobby later.
Wear the outfit later.
Life is happening now.
You do not need permission to enjoy your life.
Protect Your Energy
Joy cannot thrive in environments that constantly drain you.
Pay attention to:
- Relationships that leave you exhausted.
- Spaces where you feel unseen.
- Conversations centered around negativity.
- Commitments that no longer align with your values.
Not everything deserves access to you.
Reconnect With What You Loved as a Child
Before life became complicated, what brought you joy?
Reading?
Dancing?
Writing?
Drawing?
Singing?
Being outside?
Many times the things that brought us joy as children still have the power to nourish us as adults.
We’ve simply forgotten.
Prioritize Rest
You cannot access joy if you are constantly depleted.
Rest is not laziness.
Rest is maintenance.
A well-rested woman experiences life differently than an exhausted one.
Spend Time With People Who Make You Feel Safe
There is a special kind of joy that comes from being fully yourself.
No code-switching.
No performing.
No shrinking.
No explaining.
Just being.
Seek out relationships where you can exhale.
Joy Is a Practice
One of the biggest lessons I am learning is that joy is not a destination.
It’s a practice.
It’s choosing gratitude.
It’s noticing beauty.
It’s slowing down.
It’s laughing more.
It’s protecting your peace.
It’s making room for things that nourish your spirit.
Most importantly, it’s understanding that your life is not meant to be one long to-do list.
You were not placed on this earth solely to work, sacrifice, achieve, and endure.
You deserve to experience joy too.
Not someday.
Not when everything is perfect.
Now.
Because Black Girl Joy is not about escaping life.
It’s about fully living it.
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